Knife Letter
Why You Deserve To Go Out To Dinner Instead Of Cooking
No matter what the magazines say about it, being eight months pregnant is not all that much fun. Your back aches, your ankles bloat, and worst of all, your stomach is so large that you can’t even bend over to tie your own shoes. Preparing supper can become a living nightmare.
You go to all the effort of planning a nice, but not too elaborate meal. A roast, perhaps, with baby carrots and mini-potatoes, and a green salad on the side. For desert you chose something simple. An apple pie with scoops of ice-cream sounds good. Not a very ambitious meal-plan, but one as distant as Mount Kilimanjaro for all the effort that it’s going to take.
The problems start almost the instant you begin taking your ingredients out of the refrigerator. The meat is no problem. You took that out of the freezer yourself last night and left it to thaw on a top shelf. The vegetables are the difficulty. Despite your husband’s assurances at breakfast that he would get them out of the bottom drawers for you, he somehow managed to forget to do it somewhere between eating his cornflakes and finding his car keys. It is only through a Herculean effort that you are able to bend down far enough to retrieve the veggies from the drawers and bring them to the kitchen counter.
But once her vegetables where she wanted them, she promptly set about peeling and cleaning them. This was no mean feat in itself, considering the distance her belly put between herself and such things as the counter and the sink. She was starting to wish that her arms were at least two feet longer when she reached for the knife set and noticed something that she had never noticed before. There were instructions of some sort glued to the side of the block.
Unable to restrain her curiosity, she holds the block up to the light so that she can see it better. What she reads causes her to put it right back down in surprise. The instructions turn out to be a warning against using the knives when pregnant, or on your anniversary.
Strange, but not as strange as the one she had found on the microwave instructing her not to operate it within a one hundred-foot radius of the coffee maker. She decided she would ignore this one just as she had that one. Instead, she went to get out the roasting pan, only to discover that she could not reach it, no matter what she did or tried. It kept dodging from her fingertips, as if refusing to be captured by them. She huffed, she puffed, she tried; all to no avail.
It was as the pan slipped away from her fingers for about the fifteenth time that she suddenly envisioned herself basting the roast, back aching as she strained to bend over it again and again. At that moment she understood why pregnant women should not be using knives. Or pots, or pans, for that matter. All the more so if happened to be their anniversary. Though she still did not know why microwaves and coffee pots were incompatible at close range, there was one thing she did know: that her husband had not forgotten to get the vegetables out, or that it was their anniversary. So it came as no surprise when he called a few minutes later and told her he was taking her out for dinner that night.
The Knife – “Letter to Henslow” – Tomorow, In a Year
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